guiltybeautylove
by i AM the Random Idiot
Summary: [kairiku] A one shot collection dedicated to keeping the old school love alive. [ix.] broken [better for me to be broken than you.]
1. a lovely collision

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) I've decided that capitalization is for capitalists, if those people who know about my grammar shticks are wondering about my sanity. first shot goes out to **xxlovelycollision**, a.k.a. loren, my schoolmate and sister in the kh fandom. we'd like to shout out: HAHA WE'RE OUT OF SCHOOL AND YOU AREN'T NEENER NEENER.

_**xxx**_

_(i) __**a lovely collision**__ (for loren)_

He sees her in the hallway every day.

He loves to watch her navigate the crowded passageway with perfect graceful ease while other people press and bump and slouch down the halls like the grungy, apathetic teens they are. Someone once told him that angels have golden hair, but he knows better. His angel is blessed with locks the color of rose petals at sunset.

Sometimes, he passes her and says hi, and she nods her head and smiles back at him, and those are the days when he feels he can do no wrong. Sometimes, though, she can't hear him or she misses seeing him, and those are the days when nothing goes right.

_**xxx**_

She sees the silver-haired boy in the hall sometimes, and waves to him. She doesn't know his name, but she knows his eyes (so bluey-green; she never can come up with a color name that fits) and his smile, and the way he seems to brighten when he sees her. She wouldn't admit it to her friends, but she secretly looks for him every day, between math and biology, and frets when she doesn't see him.

_**xxx**_

One day, neither of them sees the other.

_(bang!)_

She is rubbing her leg, and he is blushing furiously and gathering up scattered notes on logarithms and lagomorphs. Both are babbling incoherent apologies:

"_sorry—"_

"—_didn't see—"_

"—_really crowded—"_

"—_just couldn't—"_

"—_your name?"_

He blinks. "What?"

"What's your name?" she repeats, smiling faintly and tilting her head to the side.

The silver-haired boy flips argent threads out of his clear (bluey-green?) eyes with a toss of his head and responds simply, "I'm Riku."

The crimson-haired angel smiles a little wider and says, "I'm Kairi."

A bruise rises on her calf later, but she doesn't mind too much. It's sort of shaped like a heart.

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) fluffy drivel, I know. planning for many more of these._** keep the old-school love alive.**_


	2. escape

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) a lot of positive responses came to the last one. I was surprised. much love goes out to my sistas: xxlovelycollision, Constance Greene, Tatikara, Crimson Kaoru, and warm.summer.nights. no, I was not listening to the piña colada song.

_**xxx**_

_(ii) __**escape**_

..:big:..

When he was little, everything was _big_.

That's to be expected; little kids are generally smaller than most things, so everything seems gigantic to them. Unlike most little kids, though, Riku is special in that this bigness of the world does not cause him to be afraid of the world. On the contrary, he loves it. Consciously, he does not really understand why; all he knows is that the idea of unknown places, unseen sights, and unmeasured boundaries fills him with a wonder and excitement that drives him to near-recklessness.

He loves that the world is big enough to adventure in, and _escape_ is the farthest thing from his mind.

..:small:..

As he grows, though, little by little the world begins to lose its bigness. He has explored every inch of the small island he shares with his friends. He has climbed every tree, camped in every hollow, drawn all over every rock in his and his best friend Sora's secret cave, and the world still isn't getting any bigger.

Sometimes he wonders in his small way, _where did the big go?_ He doesn't know. All he knows is that he's starting to wonder what lies beyond the sea.

At the ripe, jaded age of six, Riku is already considering _escape_.

..:beyond:..

That's when the miracle happens.

After a night of shooting stars, during which young Riku had gazed at the sky and wondered, _where are the lights falling when they aren't falling here?_, a girl washes up on shore. When asked where she had come from, she had simply responded that she didn't know, she didn't remember, everything was dark until she was here and couldn't she have a drink because gosh, it was hot. The grown-ups had looked at each other and clucked their tongues and said, _well, she must have been in a terrible storm; perhaps we'll call some people from the mainland and see if someone's gone missing_...but nothing turned up. Eventually they gave it up as an act of God, and allowed the girl into their community, but still, whenever the subject came up, they tried to pass it off as, _well, she's just from far away_.

Riku knows better. The miracle girl wasn't simply from _far away_, she was from _beyond_. Somewhere in his gut, he knows it. She couldn't be from a nearby island; her skin was far too fair, and she remained unused to the summer temperature for years. She couldn't be from farther away than that, because she'd never survive such a sea crossing or a fall from a plane. In Riku's simple six-year-old judgment, that leaves only _beyond_ as a suitable explanation.

The miracle girl fell here with the stars. Perhaps she is an angel. Or perhaps, she is from where the stars are from.

Suddenly, whole new possibilities have opened themselves—and Riku knows that _escape_ is still possible. But...he's not so sure that he needs it anymore.

..:kairi:..

The miracle girl's name turns out to be _Kairi_. Riku and Sora play with her more than is usually seemly for a pair of six-year-old boys (Sora had just had his birthday); _after all_, argue the other kids, _aren't they afraid of cooties?_

_Well, of course Kairi doesn't have cooties_, Riku defends with Sora backing up. _She's from somewhere else, and they _obviously_ don't get cooties there_. The nerve of some of those kids. But then, the other kids have never really understood bigness and smallness on the island. They've never wondered about _escape_, the way Riku has.

As the years go by, though, Riku keeps thinking less and less about _escape_...and more and more about **Kairi**. Often, it's just the usual: _if she's from another world, what would it be like there? Is it colder? Does it snow? Wonder if she remembers snow... __Mental Note to Self:__ Ask Kairi about snow... _Sometimes, though, he just thinks about _her_. About her smile. About her laugh. About the cute way she bites her lip when she thinks really hard. About the way her eyes light up when she sees him and Sora.

It's only when the smallness of the world becomes so stifling that it manages to worm its way into his daily thoughts again that he begins to think about _escape_..._**with**_ Kairi.

..:why:..

"Why?"

She asks him this when he asks her if she'd like to go on an adventure.

He is stumped. "Because..." he begins, but he doesn't know how to say it. _Because the world is too small now. Because I want to know what's out there. Because it would be different—and I'm sick of everything being the same. Because I need to get off this place before the smallness crushes me. Because if I run the circumference of this island again, I'll go crazy. Because I have to or I'll die. Because I want you to come with me. And Sora. But mostly me. Because I need to know __why__, too. _

_BECAUSE_.

"...it would be fun," he finishes lamely.

She smiles a little, and says _if Sora comes, why not? It could be an adventure_. She is worried, though, because she only wants to go just to see what would happen. But he _needs_ it more than anything in the world. She sees this, and wonders and fears for him.

He is fifteen, and she is fourteen, and already she is helping him plot to _escape_.

..:escape:..

_Beyond_, the Royal Wizard and the Captain of the Guard embark on a quest of their own.

_Beyond_, dark forces gather, and a world of frozen waterfalls and abandoned hopes waits.

Here, unknown to them, a shadowed figure appears in the secret place, and confirms the final damnation of the world in all its smallness.

Here, an innocent boy and a miracle girl watch one last sunset together. The girl tries to speak of a hidden fear to the boy—a fear of the change and the _need_ she has sensed in their friend—but soon simply shrugs off the effort and jokes it away.

A dreamer gazes at the fading stars from his small world for what will be the last time.

And dreams of _escape_.

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) turned out different from how I'd originally envisioned. it's better this way. me likey. _**keep the old-school love alive.**_


	3. the purple boots

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) yeah, this one's basically me expressing my basic needs through the mouthpiece of the characters. whatev'. I was going to do another "zomg angst" one, but felt I'd rather a return to fluffier fare. angst comes next week, promise.

warning: slight naughty jokes, and kairi drops an a-bomb. this collection is rated k-plus, you know.

_**xxx**_

_(iii) __**the purple boots**_

_**xxx**_

Kairi opened the door to Riku's room without knocking. "Good morning," she offered cheerily.

Riku looked up from his kneeling position at the foot of a large mound of shoes and clothing in front of his closet. "Don't you know to knock before entering?" he demanded exasperatedly. "I mean, what if I was doing something embarrassing or personal? What if I was _**naked?**_"

"Well, now you've done it. I'll never knock again," Kairi pointed out, trying and failing to keep a straight face. In answer, she had a balled-up pair of socks that might have been white in a former life flung at her head. "_Eew!_ Jerk," she added after clawing the sock-bomb out of her hair. Riku smirked at her with his best patented mixture of maddening superiority and _I-know-my-smirking-annoys-you-and-so-I-will-do-it-on-purpose_ that somehow still managed to be vaguely endearing. (Sora had been trying and failing for years to imitate it, with varying degrees of success—or lack thereof.)

"What'cha doing?" Kairi inquired, plunking down on his bed and bouncing on it a little bit.

Riku tossed an unidentifiable garment over his shoulder. "I'm having a yard sale later this week, so I'm going through my old stuff," he explained, looking over a pair of shorts that didn't look like they'd fit over even one of his thighs. "About two-thirds of my clothes don't fit me anymore, seeing as how I've grown fifteen inches and gained seven pounds of pure muscle mass," he added.

"Or maybe you're just fat," Kairi suggested facetiously.

"I have more socks, you know," Riku threatened, waving a broken flip-flop in an effort to intimidate her. "Why are you calling on me at eight in the morning anyway? Sora won't even be up for another hour and a half."

Kairi pouted. "Do I always need a reason?" she asked. "Your mom let me in very graciously, too."

"I think she's glad for any sign that I still have friends," Riku snorted.

"You know, it didn't help that you spent your first two months back here sleeping all day and prowling around at night," Kairi pointed out, as another wad of socks flew past her head, though this time by accident.

"I don't _prowl_," Riku clarified, acting wounded. "_You_ try quickly adjusting your circadian rhythms after a year on the run, and see how you do."

"Yeah, I see you still haven't progressed to sleeping in your bed yet," Kairi said, gesturing to the immaculately made bed she sat on in stark contrast to the rest of Riku's room, which looked like a cyclone hit it.

Riku looked up and raised one eyebrow. "Is that supposed to be veiled innuendo?"

Kairi sharply chucked a pillow at him and nailed him square in the forehead. ("Ow!") "Pervert," she accused.

Riku rubbed his head and argued, "Nuh-_uh_."

"You are so!" Kairi insisted, sitting up straight and folding her arms. "You're all flustered that I'm in your room and Sora isn't here to chaperone. You don't know what to do with yourself."

Riku gestured at her with a handful of old sports apparel. "You're full of it, Kairi," he informed her with another infuriating smirk.

"But I'm totally right!" Kairi defended. "Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong."

"Okay," Riku agreed. "You're wrong."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"You're waving your old jockstrap at me."

Riku let out a small yelp and dropped his handful of clothing like it had caught fire. Kairi triumphantly laughed. "Ha! I am _so_ right! You're completely helpless around me."

Sulkily, Riku answered, "So you think you're right. What do you want, a medal?"

Kairi pouted again. "Don't dismiss my victory, Night Prowler."

"_**I don't prowl!"**_

"Well, maybe I **do** want a medal," Kairi continued. "You know, to commemorate my verbal victory over you."

Riku pointed to a box labeled "Old Trophies & Junk." "Take your pick," he countered. Kairi eschewed the box in favor of another clothes and shoes pile, this one much smaller than the heap that Riku was sorting. "Not that pile," Riku sighed, "that's my 'Shred with Extreme Vengeance' pile."

Kairi was clearly ignoring him. "Hey, there's some neat stuff in here," she commented. "Wonder wha—_hey!_"

"What'd you find—_**no, that's not for you**_," Riku clarified when he saw what she had pulled from the pile—a single, well-worn, heavy-duty, purple rubber boot that appeared to have seen some interesting fights, judging solely by the wear in the treads and the shallow jagged gash above the heel that didn't even poke deep enough to affect the inside part. Kairi was rooting through the pile for its mate.

"_What_ is _this?_" she breathed excitedly, fascinated. "They're so _**cool**_—oh, here's the other one. _Wow..._" Kairi gazed at the pair with a gleam of triumphant enthrallment akin to a hobo who'd discovered a pure diamond necklace in a pile of garbage.

"Ahh, you can't have those," Riku told her firmly. Kairi's head snapped up and she snatched the boots closer to herself, hugging them fiercely and protectively to her chest.

"Why not? I found them. They're amazing, and I _want_ them," she defended, clutching her finds with a possessiveness normally not seen outside of the character of Gollum from the _Lord of the Rings_.

"But...but..." Riku was torn between vehement denial and befuddled consternation. "_Why_ on **earth** would you want those boots?"

"Whyever not? I mean, _**look!**_ They're _purple_," Kairi explained, turning the objects of her fascination to catch the sunlight from the window. "I'm trying them on," she declared suddenly, kicking her shoes off and sticking her feet into her new treasures.

Riku protested, "But—I mean, _come on_, they're never going to—

"—_fit..._" he trailed off as Kairi jumped to her feet victoriously. The purple boots fit her perfectly, coming up to a graceful stop an inch below each of her knees. "Okay, either you have enormous feet, or something weird is going on..." Riku faltered.

"They're gorgeous!" Kairi crowed, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet. "They're amazing—I feel like I could kick someone's _**ass**_ wearing these!" She struck a few poses in front of Riku's mirror, then whirled around to face him. "Can I _have_ them?" she begged, eyes shining with undisguised excitement and hope. "_Please-please-please-__**please?**_"

"What—uh—agh—guh—**no**," Riku stammered, barely articulately.

"Why?" Kairi demanded.

"Because..." Riku was at a loss to explain satisfactorily why he didn't want Kairi to have the purple boots (although, he refused to admit to himself, she did look rather sexy wearing them). "...they're unlucky," he finished, knowing how lame the excuse sounded.

Kairi frowned. "Come on, Riku," she pleaded. "I really like them. You don't even want them. It can't hurt."

"No, and that's final," Riku put his foot down.

Kairi sighed sadly. "Okay," she said, pulling them off and dropping them back on the "Shred with Extreme Vengeance" pile, giving them one last longing look.

_**xxx**_

Kairi couldn't remember seeing the purple boots at Riku's yard sale, but she somehow couldn't stop thinking about them.

_**xxx**_

Three days after the yard sale, Riku had an amazing idea. He told Sora the finer points of his idea, and Sora was astonished that _he_ didn't think of it first.

_**xxx**_

"Come on, guys, what is it?" Kairi demanded, pulling at the bandanna the boys had wrapped around her eyes.

"It's a surprise," Sora assured her.

"A surprise that was _my_ idea," Riku reminded him, evidently very proud of himself. Kairi didn't see Sora stick his tongue out at Riku, but she giggled anyway. "Okay, you can pull it off now," Riku added.

Kairi pulled her blindfold off. "Oh my gosh, guys!" she gushed. The two of them had decked her living room in streamers. Along one wall, a banner proclaimed, "Happy Belated Fifteenth Birthday, Kairi!"

"We felt guilty about missing your birthday last year," Sora explained. Kairi hugged him. "Get over here, you," she added to Riku, letting go of Sora and hugging him as well.

"Yeah, love, peace, sappiness—you've got presents," Riku informed her.

Kairi opened Sora's gift—a bracelet with a star on it. "Super-cute," she informed him, giving him another big hug. She turned to Riku's gift, which was in a substantially larger box. "If you got me another coffeemaker..." she laughed, recalling her twelfth birthday when she was in her "specialty coffee" phase.

"What'd you get her?" Sora whispered to Riku, curious. Before Riku could answer, Kairi did for him.

"_**OHMIGAWD!!!**_" she shrieked, lifting a single purple boot in the air, followed immediately by the second. "RIKU!" she screamed, falling on him and smothering his cheeks with kisses.

Sora blinked once. Twice. Three times. "You gave her the _boots?_" he demanded in stunned disbelief. "The _**purple ones?**_" Kairi abandoned Riku to dash to her room to put them on.

"The purple ones," Riku confirmed in a slightly dazed voice, rubbing his face absently.

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) um, guess it goes without saying that I adore riku's boots... _**keep the old school love alive.**_


	4. her fairy tale

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) inspired by the song "Thank Goodness," from the Broadway musical "Wicked." gawd, I want to see it so bad. at least I have the soundtrack. thank goodness.

as you've probably guessed by now, I'm striving to update this every thursday afternoon/evening. I was afraid to say it right from the get-go, since that might jinx it.

_**xxx**_

_(iv) __**her fairy tale**_

Kairi knows she is one of the most fortunate people in the world—she doesn't need anyone to tell her that. Still, sometimes she gets reminded anyway. _Kairi, you are so lucky,_ Selphie often gushes. _I mean, you've got your very own fairy tale! Who couldn't be happier?_

It's true. Kairi has everything that she could truly want—a home in paradise, wonderful friends who truly care for her, and let's not forget her very own Prince Charming: Sora. Kairi's one of those people blessed enough to have all her dreams come true. She knows that she is amazingly lucky. She couldn't be happier.

Except...

Except sometimes, she'll be out with Sora, or Selphie, or just out and about, and she'll see a flash of silver hair, or that knowing smirk (somehow sadder than it's ever been), or those amazingly bright clear cyan eyes belonging to her other friend—the one who may not have been the Prince Charming in the end, yet the one who gave up the most to keep her safe and to let her have her fairy tale ending.

And she'll get this strange feeling. It's kind of a complicated one. She doesn't know how to describe it, but...

It's almost as if, well, as if she really _could_ be happier.

But the feeling will pass, and she'll move on with her fairy tale life. She doesn't need anyone to tell her how lucky she is—she knows. She _couldn't be happier_, because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true.

She couldn't be happier.

...Right?

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) blargh. shorter than I wanted, but otherwise okayish. call it a drabble or whatev'. _**keep the old school love alive.**_


	5. reunion

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) if this is late, I am so sorry. it was my birthday on wednesday (fireworks woot), and I got distracted. I also was dying to do this one since "escape", but always wimped out on it.

kairiku fans always seem to miss this scene. helll—_oes_? we never see what happens after kairi pulls the hood down. perfect opportunity.

_**xxx**_

_(v) __**reunion**_

Kairi and Naminé dashed down the ramps and stairwells of the Castle that Never Was, hands clutched together tightly enough to hurt. Kairi couldn't explain the compulsion to hold on as tight as she could, but somehow it felt...right—but that wasn't it, it was also that she could feel Naminé—

_fading?_

—with every labored breath. "Naminé—" she panted, "what's wrong?" Naminé said nothing, only shook her head, and pressed on faster.

Suddenly, Naminé came to a halt, and Kairi did the same a second later. A swirling portal of darkness appeared and swiftly discharged a black-coated man with cornflower hair, a distinctive x-shaped scar across his brow, and no mercy in his eyes.

"Naminé," the man said softly, in a voice so utterly devoid of emotion it made Kairi's blood run cold. "There you are."

Kairi turned slowly to the blonde girl beside her, and saw utter fear and hate for the Organization member stamped there. "...Namine?" Kairi asked, feeling terror rise within herself as well.

"Kairi," the man added coolly, flanked by his monstrous guards, "I'm afraid leaving is not an option." He extended a hand. "Come," he said, in an attempt at warmth. "I'll take you to see Sora."

Disgust rose in her for this man who would so casually drop the name of her best friend just to make her cooperate. As if she were so easily cowed! She instinctively raised a hand as if to ward him off. "You don't want that?" the dark man asked, lowering the proffered hand.

"I do!" Kairi snapped, angry with herself for rising to the bait. "More than anything," she added. _More than anything...except maybe one thing._ "But not with you around!" she spat at him, adjusting her stance to a defensive posture. Beside her, Naminé did the same.

The dark man said in a voice sprinkled with chuckles entirely devoid of mirth, "If I had a heart, this would be where I die of laughter." Suddenly, the sound of blade meeting nonexistent flesh rang though the balcony, and the man's Nobody guards slumped to the floor. Another hooded man had appeared behind them, unnoticed.

"You," the dark man spat, as the newcomer straightened to reveal a weapon...suspiciously similar to a Keyblade. "Didn't Roxas take care of you?"

Beside Kairi, Naminé straightened herself. "You can take it from here," she said in a relieved tone, "...Riku."

_Riku? __**What?**_ Kairi gasped, and gaped at Naminé. "Riku?" she repeated.

Below, the newcomer (Riku?) lashed out at the dark man. The dark man evaded the brunt of the blast, but the other slammed him to the wall and held him there. With a swirl of darkness, the dark man opened a portal against the wall and slipped away.

"Wait!" Kairi didn't remember consciously shouting, but all she knew was the realization that he was going to leave, to go after the dark man, and she couldn't let that happen because she needed to know the truth.

Pluto bounded up (_where the heck did he __come__ from?_ Kairi wondered), and the man backed away, and that more than anything broke Kairi's paralysis, because she remembered the one thing that she knows, that no one else could know:

_Riku is afraid of dogs._

They were seven and eight respectively when he told her. Not even Sora knew. And it's funny what things will make or break you, because that small fact enabled Kairi to walk forward, unsteadily at first, but gradually surer and surer of herself.

"Riku..." she whispered, a small anticipatory smile growing as she stepped up to him, Naminé all but forgotten, "...you're really here..." She reached up to his hood, internally marveling at how tall he'd become. A moment's hesitation before she pulled it down.

A bolt of shock strong enough to collapse her knees hit her at what lay underneath.

The man standing before her couldn't be Riku. He was far too _old_, and—well, he was tan, for gods' sake—not to mention a dead ringer for what she faintly remembered as Ansem from when she'd woken up in Hollow Bastion, and—well—but—

But—

But he wasn't saying anything, just standing before her with his eyes downcast, and his left foot was unconsciously rubbing up and down his right calf (the way Riku would do when he knew he was in the worst of trouble), and the way he stood, and the way he hunched his shoulders slightly—and the way he finally raised his eyes slightly to meet hers and they weren't the old ambiguous electric shade of sky-blue-sea-green-storm-cloud-white-cyan, but some unfamiliar hellfire hue, and the message behind them wasn't the usual _Hey Kai, I know I really screwed up this time, so you don't have to feel bad for me but I'd like you to know I'm sorry, 'kay?_ but something far sadder and more profound—and the way he **breathed**, for crying out loud—just _everything_ practically _screamed_ RIKU—and she just couldn't say a word. Here he was, after a year, standing and waiting for her to say something to shatter him to pieces, and Kairi was frozen dead where she stood.

"Oh."

That was all she could force out.

_Oh._

Oh, okay. Just as long as I know where we stand, Riku. _What was __**wrong**__ with her?_

At that, he flinched, and his hand almost instinctively went to the collar of his hood, and that finally broke Kairi's paralysis. "No—don't," she begged, her hand going out as if to brush his away.

And with that prompt denial, the man who was Riku gave Kairi the faintest ghost of what resembled his old smile, and softly said, "...Hey."

Kairi swallowed hard against a rising lump in her throat, and echoed, "...Hey."

There was silence.

Suddenly, Kairi couldn't stand it anymore. She flung her hands around Riku's waist, and pressed her face into his chest, eyes screwed shut tightly against the welling tears. She sensed his surprise, but couldn't stop herself from choking out, "I—really missed you."

"H—Kairi, what's—?" Riku asked, and somehow, she could really hear _his_ voice, and even with her eyes shut and half-blinded with tears, it was as if she could really see _him_—longer hair, his face leaner and more drawn from a year on the run, but the old eyes, those same eyes that sparkled and laughed on their own—_god_, he seemed so much _older_—

"Riku, I—I'm so _sorry_," she sobbed, unable to truly articulate how much she honestly was sorry—sorry for always being the _bait_, for not being able to fight back on her _own_, for being in the _way_—for just being so _god_—_damned_—_**useless!**_

Finally, Riku wrapped his own arms around her in turn, and held her head to his chest. "Don't be," he said softly.

They stood there like that while Kairi cried, not absurdly long, but long enough to understand that they didn't need to say anything else. That, underneath, what needed to be said had been said.

That sometimes, you don't need to say anything at all.

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) and I truly feel useless for being so late with this. sigh. **_keep the old-school love alive._**


	6. daybreak

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) delayed because I've been at the theaters seeing harry potter and the order of the phoenix. twice. I disgust myself. on the plus side, though, I now have a goal: see it enough times to memorize key scenes. dan plus angst equals gorgeous beyond human comprehension.

_**xxx**_

_(vi) __**daybreak**_

A tapping on her window roused Kairi halfway from her slumber. "Nnn...shwhaa?" she slurred hazily, cracking an eyelid. It was still dark, so she had no way of knowing the time, though she'd guess about three-thirty to four in the morning. Through a blur of exhaustion, she caught a glimpse of a figure in the window. A delayed adrenaline burst roused her more fully, though still not to one hundred percent wakefulness, and she finally could see more details.

A glimmer of silver. A half-moon crescent of cyan. A distinctive smile. Oh, no.

"Riku," Kairi growled. "Do you _**want**_ to die?"

Her friend shook his head emphatically, still grinning. "No time for threatening me," he said cheerily, "up and at 'em, sweetheart! You've got to change—well, you could probably get away with staying in those pajamas, and we need to get going. Come on!"

Kairi sat up a little more, rubbing her eyes. She felt like her head was filled with cotton. "Wh...why do I need...t'get up?" she yawned, giving Riku her best death glare.

"It's a surprise!" Riku laughed. He was dressed in his regular clothes, holding a blanket rolled up under his left arm, and smiling beatifically. His eyes were sparkling. _Sparkling???_

"Riku..." Kairi began, and then yawned. "Oh, it doesn't matter. I have to be dreaming. I have never seen you so chipper in my entire life, much less after we got back, and certainly never at this hour. I'm going back to bed."

Riku hoisted himself into her room through the window, set his blanket down, and sat at the far end of the bad, facing her. "Come on!" he exhorted her, grabbing her foot and shaking it. "You've got to get up, Kai. We're going for a walk."

"How...are you _conscious_ at this hour?" Kairi pleaded, her voice rising to a squeak. Riku touched a finger to her lips.

"Shh, you'll wake up the mayor, and then he'll put out a warrant for my arrest. We're going on a field trip," he quipped

"Get Sora to do it," Kairi ordered.

"I poked him in the ribs with a stick, and he won't wake up. So we're going to have some quality family time together. Then you can brag to Sora about what a spoilsport he is," Riku shrugged. "Besides, aren't you curious to see what I have in mind?"

"I'm more curious about your sleep habits," Kairi sulked, but found herself pulling off her bedsheets and standing. "Gimme a boost; I'm too tired to be monkeying around with windows."

Riku smirked his patented "triumph smirk," scooped up his blanket, and helped Kairi out the first-story window. "My lady," he teased.

"If I pass out, it's your fault," she told him. Once they were on the road, they started walking. Kairi was barefoot in her pink flannel pajama bottoms and a white baggy nightshirt two sizes too large. She was way too tired to walk on her own, so she leaned on Riku's right arm. "Where we goin'?" she murmured. Wow, his arm was really warm.

"Out to the island. I've got my boat ready, so we'll take it over," Riku replied. "You wanna sleep on the ride over?"

"No wah—wah—way..." Kairi yawned widely. "Just keep talking to me. I'll stay awake."

"Okay... Talk to you about what?" Riku asked. "The weather? School? My gorgeousness?" He flashed an obnoxious grin.

"Tell me exactly how you can be so..._awake_ right now," Kairi ordered. She expected no answer, but to her surprise, Riku took it seriously.

"Well... I'm always awake at night now. I suppose I still haven't gotten used to not being on the run," he mused. "Normally, when I was... you know, not here, I'd spend the middle of the day sleeping, and at night was when I'd move around, so as not to be seen or catch too much attention."

"Yeah, sure, because prowling around suburbia in the wee hours of the morning is a surefire way to escape notice," Kairi quipped.

Riku shrugged. "Well yeah, it doesn't help me now...I've been falling asleep in class and stuff. But you know what?"

"What?"

"It was worth it." Kairi cocked her head to the side. Riku continued, "I mean, as long as it kept me alive. Otherwise..." He glanced at Kairi and blushed slightly. "I...wouldn't be here, you know?"

Kairi wisely elected not to say anything. They clambered into the boat and Riku silently rowed them over to the other island. When they got out again, Kairi looked up. "So...you never said what's so all-fired important."

Riku shrugged. "No, I didn't," he replied nonchalantly, but couldn't hide a grin. "Hold this," he added, shoving the blanket he carried into Kairi's arms.

"—Wha?" she managed, before being scooped up by her friend. "What the—Put me down!" she objected.

"Hush, Princess. You're not wearing shoes," Riku informed her in a tone that brooked no argument.

"Don't call me that," Kairi abruptly objected, surprising even herself.

"Don't call you...what? Princess?" Riku asked, a quizzical frown creasing his forehead.

Kairi waved her hands around trying to find the words. "It's just... It makes me feel, like...kinda... Too girly."

Riku was the picture of surprised cluelessness. "Oh," he said. "Okay."

Kairi blushed. "I don't mean to make a big deal about it..."

"No, it's okay," Riku assured her. "Butch," he added.

Kairi lightly smacked him. "Brat," she retaliated, over Riku's own laughter. In that vein, they continued as Riku carried Kairi up the wooden steps to the area where Tidus usually practiced his moves. It was a small platform with a railing that looked out on both sides of the island, west towards the mainland, and east towards...well, east. Riku set her down.

Kairi instinctively looked back out they way they'd come. "Okay, what?" she asked.

"Wrong way," Riku corrected, turning her by the shoulders to face the other direction.

"Oh..." Kairi realized, looking towards the slowly brightening horizon. "We're going to watch the sunrise?"

"Yup," Riku confirmed. He took the blanket from her arms and draped it around her shoulders. "You ever notice how we always watch the sunset, but never the sunrise?"

"Y...Yeah," Kairi said, leaning on the railing. Riku followed suit.

"You know," he said after a while, "I've watched a lot of sunrises lately."

"How come?" Kairi asked, leaning into his arm a little so her hands were free to hold the blanket around her more tightly.

"...I'd always make time to watch at least one dawn on every world I've ever been on. No matter what I was there for, I'd always watch one. It kept me sane. It reminded me of the road I was on," he slowly confessed, studying the railing intently. "Because...every time I saw that sun come up, I'd promise myself, 'I'm going to stay alive, no matter what. I'm not going to give up or give in, so one day...I'll be able to watch the sun come up with Sora and Kairi.' So I had a reason to keep going."

Kairi solemnly pondered that. "So...that was your reason..." she mused.

"Well..." Riku amended, putting an arm around her shoulders and holding her closer, "not the only reason."

Kairi snuggled against his chest and yawned. "Good," she smiled.

Together, they stood and faced the dawning sun.

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) so...much...cute. augh. I really like this one. _**keep the old-school love alive.**_


	7. thinking of you

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) so I took a week off for bleach and harry potter. sorries. gawd, the last book was pretty much glorious. I was practically in tears. also, hanatarou is my love.

_**xxx**_

_(vii) __**thinking of you**_

He never knew it could be this cold. Growing up on a tropical island, Riku was of course used to an average temperature of "hotter than the armpit of Satan," but this was like slowly dying.

_What a genius_, he thought. _Never gave thought to the idea that other worlds have other climates, dumbass_. He rubbed his upper arms. The creepy green lady so far hadn't come back yet, but he was sure _that_ wouldn't last.

After searching for hours before collapsing from hunger and shock, Riku had been forced to conclude that Sora and Kairi hadn't made it to this world with him. He could only hope that they'd made it safely somewhere else; the alternative was too terrifying to consider.

_Yeah, the alternative is that they couldn't get off and they burned to death or drowned or otherwise exploded in the horrible entropy of your world—an apocalypse, might I add, that you had a direct hand in_, the derisive part of his mind reminded him with sadistic glee. _Hell, why not go two-for-two and figure out how to do in this freezing pit while you're at it? Doesn't matter, you'll never see them again. And what was the last thing you ever said to her? "Thanks?" Thanks for opening my eyes, Kairi, so I can fully devote myself to getting out of here without so much as a backward glance. Thanks. I'll see you in hell, Kai._

"Shut up," Riku fiercely hissed to himself. "She made it. _They_ made it." He took another glance around at the ice-lined rocks and waterfalls that seemed to make up the general scenery of where he'd landed. Waterfalls and caves—he was forcefully reminded of the Secret Place, and an entirely unexpected wave of homesickness crashed into him at full speed.

Wakka—an unending chorus of "hey, mon, what's happenin'?" somehow always managed to get his opponent relaxed or at least unthreatened enough that the looks of utter surprise were always hilariously exaggerated when he nailed them in the jaw with a blitzball...

Selphie—more than once, she'd tried to coerce him into sharing a paopu with her, before he pointed out that Tidus was closer to her height and therefore more logically enjoyable to snog with...

Tidus—he never forgave Riku for setting Selphie on him, but he always managed to forgive him for every new bruise or the occasional broken wrist, surprisingly...

Sora—what was there to say? His best friend. Secretly, his only real friend for many years, until his infectious laughter and good cheer managed to soften Riku's shell enough for other people to connect with him, particularly...

Kairi.

At the thought of Kairi, Riku swallowed hard and forced down the rising tide of tears threatening to claw their way up his throat and into his eyes. "They made it," he repeated stubbornly. "I know they did."

_**xxx**_

"Riku? Riku," an insistent voice wormed its way into his ears. With an incredible effort, he raised his head and opened his eyes.

Kairi. Sora. Looking very concerned, as Kairi brushed his bangs away from his face and Sora poked him in the jaw.

"...Wha?" he asked, hardly believing his eyes. Kairi and Sora, alive and well and not rotting away on some unknown desert/tundra/jungle/water-covered/whatever world, or alternatively blown to atoms?

"Riku," Kairi sighed in a long-suffering voice, "you fell asleep again."

"And you landed in your mashed potatoes," Sora added.

And then Riku remembered that he was going on seventeen, and Kairi and Sora were indeed alive and well, and Kairi had her heart back, and Sora turned out to be the Keyblade Master, and he himself had fought for his soul and won, and he fell asleep in school again because he was no longer required to sleep by day and eke out a survival at night, but it was all worth it to wake up to see the faces of his two best friends every day.

A sudden impulse struck, and Riku grabbed Kairi and Sora and folded them in a big hug, oblivious to the stares and whispers of fellow students who had never had to fight and bleed and die for each other like he had. "You guys..." he stammered, but just couldn't find the words to express such a tangle of emotions.

Kairi smiled, and patted him on the back a bit. "We love you, too, Riku," she said, because of course she immediately knew what he couldn't say.

"Yeah," Sora agreed. Then, he added in an undertone of affable exasperation, "You're getting potatoes in my _hair..._"

So Riku grinned, and rubbed more food mush into Sora's gravity-defying locks and they had a small food fight and got in trouble and spent a detention making faces at each other over their extra homework. Kairi met them when they got out, and brought them ice cream, and they hung out by the dock, talking about nothing and licking the ice cream before it dripped down their fingers.

"What do you dream about?" Kairi asked once.

Riku smiled faintly and threw the last bite of his cone to a seagull. "Nothing important," he confessed.

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n). late, 'cause I'm a jerk. whatev's. I'll be leaving for vacation after next week, so no promises of timely updates then. _**keep the old-school love alive.**_


	8. hate me

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) so...I'm a jerk. yeah. in all honesty, I never expected this to go beyond five chapters. this doesn't mean I'm quitting—not at all! it just means the updates will probably be more on a week-and-a-half to two-week basis rather than weekly. I've never considered myself a romance writer to begin with.

inspired by the Blue October song, "Hate Me." I nearly cry every time I listen to it, and this is how I see it. been dying to write this one for a while.

_**xxx**_

_(viii) __**hate me**_

(if you're sleeping, are you dreaming?)

In the chill quiet dark of the hour before dawn, a paper flutters in the draft from an open window.

It is crumpled and smudged, as if the person reading it had clenched her hand tightly about it and brought her fists to her streaming eyes. The words written upon it are scrawled in a steady yet shaking hand, as if the person who had left it had been in a rush to get it down before his firmed resolve had dissolved in the wake of his writing.

A final short gust of cold, pre-dawn wind blows it out the window, to drift aimlessly towards the ocean. Moonlight spills over the tear-stained page, and the tragedy it tells:

_Kairi,_

_I know this is hard for you to understand, but you have to know. I'm leaving. I'm leaving you and Sora. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry about everything._

_This place has never really been my home. Home for me truly is where you and Sora are. But there comes a time when everyone has to leave home. For me that time is now._

_I love you, Kai. I've always loved you. I've loved you so much that you've driven me to the brink of madness time and again only to lead me back to the light every time. I've loved you so much that I've been ready to throw this world to the void and myself with it if only to see you whole again when the answer was in front of me the whole time. And the answer was that it was never I who could make you whole._

_Never._

_That's why I want you to do me one last favor after I go._

_Hate me, Kairi._

_Hate me._

_Hate me for my arrogance and blindness. Hate me for not being able to save you. Hate me for all the wrong I've done to you and Sora. Cast me out of your heart and forget everything except how I hurt you. Hate me for asking this of you, Kai. _

_There's something wrong with me, Kai. I don't know what it is, but it's been there maybe since I was born. I can't love the right way. My love isn't patient and kind and pure and all-conquering like his. My love is twisted and selfish and cold and poison. It can't save me or anyone—it can only destroy me from the inside and cause pain to the ones it touches. And I know I've caused you pain, Kairi, and I wish I could take it all back. But I can't take this back:_

_I love you. No matter what, I can't keep myself from loving you._

_Can you keep yourself from doing the same?_

The page flutters down to the sand. The tide comes in and washes it out.

Miles away, two drops of salt water fall to the sand of a different shore.

The tide washes them out, too.

(if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?)

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) well, I finally got some serious tragedy in here. took me long enough.


	9. broken

**guilty.beauty.love**

(kairiku) A one-shot collection dedicated to keeping the old-school love alive.

(a/n) i. hate. school. forever. visit my livejournal and rant with me.

_**xxx**_

_(ix) __**broken**_

_**xxx**_

_Help me not be broken anymore._

Her eyes: so blue. Within them are reflected the endless reaches of the sea—so bright on the surface, so dark below. Now, though, now they show nothing on their surface but his own glassy reflection.

Her eyes are dead.

Her fingers are cold.

If he hadn't placed a hand to her diaphragm to check, he wouldn't even think she was breathing.

It's like she's not even there. When he holds her close to him sometimes, and whispers into her ear that she'd see, that it would be okay, that he'd find whatever of her was missing and she could be warm and bright and _whole_ again, she doesn't even blink. He likes to tell himself that maybe her breathing speeds up a little bit, but he secretly knows he's lying.

It's like she's broken.

So no matter what he has to do, he's going to find out how to un-break her. He'll fight. He'll bleed. He'll die. He'll let himself do worse than that.

_If it takes my life. __His__ life. My soul. I'll do it all for you. Even if you'll hate me for it later._

_Better for me to be broken than you._

_**xxxFINxxx**_

(a/n) just trying to kill the writer's block demon. plus, I dared myself to write a fic inspired by the first song to come on my itunes shuffle. (it was broken, by seether.) _**keep the old-school love alive.**_


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